On the day of my submission, I was a woman on a mission. I decided I would not rest, eat or be aware of the world until it was done. The funniest part is that it was not quite as I had expected it, not quite the myth I had built around it. I envisioned feeling accomplished and strolling around after submitting, almost with a ray of light following my enlightened self and light as a feather — technically, I carried 5 copies of my 300-page syllabus around campus, so I did feel lighter after handing them over.
But truth is, I felt exhausted, no very relieved and quite lonely. Speak of an anti-climax!
Let me explain…(and give you a small pathos alert)
Firstly, once submitted, you still have to have your viva voce, which can be a deal breaker even if the written piece is good. So, you are not completely off the hook.
Secondly, the persons I wanted to share with were busy, at work and/or in another country that day and I could not call or see them. A big part of happiness is sharing it. Bless my colleague who came all the way from Edinburgh to see me that day.
Thirdly, anticipation, stress and weeks of poor sleep had come to their pinnacle and I was really drained…all I wanted was to cuddle my pillow, but I also felt too much tension to really relax.
However, I was still very happy and proud…it was just not as jubilant as in my dreams. The myth of the submission was killed, but the thesis submitted, and that’s all that matters.
Now, let it embrace its 6-people readership and me my pillow.